An insight into my hijab journey

Hey my loves! I want to discuss something that people online have been raising questions and issues about my hijab (scarf) and how I portray it on social media. This isn’t a hate post where I’ll complain, but its a chance for those who don’t wear the hijab or don’t understand to see where i’m coming from and as always i’ll be 100% honest. I also want to talk about my journey into wearing it full time out and about and some of the issues I face with modest clothing.

If you follow me on my Instagram you’ll notice that I have my hair out in some of the older posts and people have asked whether I’ve just started wearing it now and some have been really mean calling me all sorts of things from “hypocrite” to “whore” to “part time hijabi”. I’ve heard it all. Im not mad at these comments but I think it comes from frustration or confusion and the mentality that once you choose to wear a hijab that’s it. You cant ever show your hair. Sometimes when I look at someone’s feed and they inconsistently wear a hijab I feel a tiny bit uncomfortable too but never to the extent where I would call them such horrible names. That’s bullying. Therefore, to these comments both the hateful and curious one’s I say that im going to keep these pictures solely because  I think they showcase makeup at a time where i didn’t always wear a hijab and its a look that I just cant recreate, I got lucky, but unfortunately im not wearing a scarf and that’s that.

Looking back to when I was a teenager if I remember correctly I started to wear the hijab in year 7. For the wrong reasons unfortunately and not realising what a massive decision it is and what it means by wearing it. Embarrasingly i’ll admit that I only wore a hijab when I couldn’t figure out how to style my hair. So as soon as I found a new hairstyle I took it off and when I get bored I started to wear it. The cycle continued until year 9 when I was taught what is required of me as a young muslim woman. I also felt stupid and bad when I heard school kids calling me a part time hijabi and i’ll also admit that I wore the hijab again (this time for permanent) so I could feel better and not be made fun of. I wasn’t exactly pressured by my family, I don’t remember my mom telling me you need to wear the hijab. It was my peer pressured, “i need to do this because everyone else is and I want to be a good muslim” 14 year old decision that I thought was great at the time.

Moving onto teenagehood I struggled between wanting to wear loose off the shoulder tops and cute knee high boots and tousled hair and then wanting to wear an abaya and then wanting to wear cute Asian clothes. I was stuck between these different personalities and I didn’t know which one to choose and who I was really. On special occasions I always took my hijab off so it still wasn’t permanent. In a professional environment for example interviews, university presentations or assessment centre’s I feel like I stand out so much. I remember being at an assessment centre in the summer where I was the only hijabi there and I was constantly thinking, “i hope they take me seriously” again and again and again. It was all rubbish and in my head, yet I felt so different and sort of, “not fitting in”.

I realised that if I feel like this then it must mean im struggling and I need to have a reason to wear it and be happy choosing this. Before I started my blog, I made it my mission to be absolutely consistent and always wear a hijab in every selfie so im putting out a consistent image of myself. I also did some further research as to what a hijab would protect me from, why we’ve been asked to do this and imagined who i would be without a hijab. And i came to the conclusion that i would be someone else, i wouldnt be me. My behaviour would change, my dress sense, the way i carry myself, the way i speak even. I absolutely hated the idea of being someone else, my hijab is my identity, my personality and i wouldn’t change it for the world. Eventually I founded the right reason and was happy with it too!

The issues i have with modest clothing

Quite often i find myself struggling to find modest clothing that i love and i feel confident and glamorous in. Wearing a hijab isnt just restricted to covering your hair, its becoming modest in all aspects for example clothing. Sometimes i see a modest clothing brand on Instagram and i get so excited until i see the price and just get taken aback at how utterly ridiculous it is. I dont understand the thought process behind the pricing when modest, stylish clothing should be so easily accessible. So if there are any modest clothing brands out there or are reading this please do keep the customer in mind and make modest clothing just as easy to shop for like regular clothing!

Its still a struggle at times where im tempted to take a selfie with my hair out and I still have a long way to go. Its a learning process that so many hijabi’s can connect and bond over and its beautiful. Let me know if you have any further questions and be sure to follow my blog for instant email notifications whenever I post!

See you in my next post Queens!

Love from Sahibah x