How to have a stress free wedding

This is for the new brides of 2018, the one’s planning their big day in the future, or the curious ladies wanting to know just what  goes on in a bride’s head!
A stress free wedding may seem impossible for a bride who wants a wedding to be perfectly in line with the one she imagines. If ive experienced anything in the past few weeks even, is that its pretty stressful and tough to bring that perfect wedding you want to life. This is coming from a bride who threw a tantrum when she couldnt get the decorated candles she wanted🙃. So i’ve come up with a few tips to help you girls to to make the whole wedding planning experience a pleasant one which in turn will help calm nerves on the big day!

1) Keep a checklist!

Bit obvious i know, but you would be surprised how effective and organised it is keeping a paper checklist on hand when you wedding shop. Phone memo’s just dont cut itđŸ˜©. For me, writing everything you need to sort out and buy for different occasions, (especially for asian weddings when our pre wedding celebrations last a month) helps me to organise my day too so I don’t overspend or spend time looking at unnecessary  items. Of course wedding shopping is meant to be fun and girly and cute and memorable, but it will be all these things when its a lot more organised and clear for you!

2) Don’t be a perfectionist

As much as it hurts to say this, as I want every tiny little detail to be gleaming and 100%, it takes all the fun out of it! Being a crazy perfectionist spoils the mood and atmosphere of it all so try to relax, allow little mistakes and spontaneity and fun!.  Let go of your inner control freak and let other people for example your partner, family members take hold of the reins and run errands while you take a little break as it becomes a shared experience this way. Also, maybe condense your wedding preparations from the usual 12 months to maybe 5 or 6 months. For me, I have exactly 3 months. It may be a complete tiring whirlwind of 3 months, but as long as your organised and a little relaxed, I feel its a lot more effective than dragging out the preparations in a year.

3) Don’t lose sight

In the midst of all these preparations and keeping up with tradition, its so important to not lose sight of what it is that you are planning. Its no fun planning a wedding to such an extent where you ignore your partner and forget about the meaning of it all and the changes your wedding will bring. Keeping this all in balance will ensure you have a blessed and joyous experience!

4) Relax and allow mistakes!

As mentioned before, its important to relax and not to over think about tiny little details and maybe let things slide. Not major details like the colour and design of your dress or the theme, hell no, but more along the lines of noticing the cupcakes are green instead of light green (trust me, we do actually throw a fit over details like this!). Just laugh it off and let it slide. Don’t worry too much about social media either. For example, I used to overthink about whether I should post on the day, or after or how much should I share being an influencer/blogger. Now I will say, don’t let the smaller details of coloured cupcakes and pictures worry you and take you away from all the emotions and experiences

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Exhibit A of me snorting, choking on food and giving a devilish smile on my engagement. Lord knows the faces I’ll make on my weddingđŸ˜©đŸ˜‚

All of your efforts will come together beautifully, so let funny pictures of yourself snorting, stuffing yourself with food slide and relax, take it all in and live in the moment!

See you in my next post!

Love from Sahibah xx

Life with a single parent

Scratching the suface of an unfortunate journey, i wanted to share what life feels like growing up with a single parent. A reminder to those who are like me that we can get through it, we have and we will, and to shed some light to those who were fortunate having a normal childhood.

The only memory i have of my dad before he left when i was just a toddler, is us watching tv. Im not sure how i’ve clinged on to that to be honest, it might be a dream or a cluster of random memories sewn together, but i like to think of it as a memory. To summarise life after he left, it was as if my childhood was set on fire. It was a nightmare that im glad i was too young to fully understand, unlike my older siblings. I remember being put to bed and waking up in a random car. It was my dad trying to take me away with him after he left ( apparently he loved me the most). Waking up in random cars, being pulled between two parents every other night, the screaming, the fights, the chasing him around every weekend, knocking on door after door after door hoping he would come back. It stayed like that for years. Now as an adult i regret all the time we wasted chasing  a dead end when instead we should have let go and moved on.

I cant really blame my mom for chasing him. She was taught her duties as a wife and a mother and nothing else. She wasnt given a proper education and she depended entirely on her husband (as everyone else did at that time, it was the norm). So i cant imagine how devastated, lost and confused she must have felt waking up the morning after he left. Having to handle 3 kids and a house that came with a tonne of responsibilities and new things she had to learn. I cant imagine how scared she must have been. Thinking about it brings a tear to my eye. It was devastating.

So that was life for my mom. Learning how to be completely independent. Toughening herself up, thinking like a man to survive in a strange country with her 3 daughters she fought to protect every single day. Sometimes she tells me stories that are too painful to hear… She tells me how she used to move furniture against our bedroom door, she was paranoid thinking we would get robbed. She stayed awake the whole night, scared with one child in one arm and one in the other. Sleeping for just a couple of hours and waking up when it was time for school, and then a full day of chores and responsibilities ahead of her. Deemed unfit for work, she did her best to provide for us. Even if i didnt get that laptop i wanted for my birthday she always made sure i got something. The sacrifices shes made for us are countless, from carrying me on her shoulders in heavy rain to a doctor to waiting outside in the cold to collect me and my siblings from school and mosque every day. She had a choice that night when my dad left. She could have ditched us too and moved back to her country and lived her life. But she didnt. Such is the power of a mothers love. Through the cold and the wind and the snow she raised us and shes applauded for it.

“So what does it feel like?”. I used to get asked that quite a lot. Its living a life but with a deep emptiness.  Put simply its a hole in your heart that no one can fill, no hobby can distract you from it, no epic love of your life can take the place of. Its a scar that never fades. I actually do have a scar from a fight i was caught in between my parents. A splinter of glass hit my cheek and it formed a scar. A reminder of my hell. Its the little luxuries in life ive wanted but never had. Having two parents attend parents evening, a shopping trip with my dad, little family holidays, the comfort of knowing i have a protector. Those are the luxuries i would kill to have and luxuries no one should ever take granted. Phrases like “daddy’s little girl” were a mystery to me too. However, me and my sisters had to toughen up and fend for ourselves to survive.

I’ll never forget the sacrifices my mother has made. Even now when my dad has sort of come back and wants to be more involved, his efforts are nothing compared to what he put us through. At first when he made contact, i was furious, i didnt forgive him for years. How could anyone? Eventually i softened up (only because my mom told me to, otherwise im ruthless when it comes to forgiveness). I thought if my mom has the strength and courage to forgive him then i should too. However i dont think he’ll ever know the extent of the damage he caused. Psychological studies have proven children from broken familes, from single parents find it difficult to have healthy long lasting relationships. And its true. We’re paranoid in thinking we’ll get betrayed, having low levels of trust and just the eternal emptiness hovering around us.

Anyway thats enough dullness. We got through it and yes it was hell and i would kill in a heartbeat for the chance to have a normal childhood. But it was meant to be. I’ve seen things no child should see, pain no child should suffer through but as a result, its made us stronger, wiser, faster and appreciative of tiny blessings most people overlook. If one day i grow to be even half the woman my mom is, i would be pretty damn proud. Because even the brightest diamond could never repay and amount to the favours and sacrifices shes made. That any mother has made.

What we can do is be appreciative and let them know that. Let them know that we’re thankful, and we honour and love them before its too late. I hope i’ve shed some light on an unfortunate situation that some people have to face and accept as a part of life.

See you in my next post!

Love from Sahibah x